Ah, Landlord! It is good to have you back from Antigua! Regardless of what you may have heard to the contrary I don’t hold you personally responsible for not informing me that a construction crew was going to be spending an entire week rebuilding the deck of the tenant above me. To be honest I rather enjoyed it; what writer trying to concentrate wouldn’t? The cacophonous pounding of hammers and incessant buzzing of saws brought back many pleasant memories. It reminded me of that time I was in the Peace Corps overseas and the local constabulary built a gallows outside of my Quonset hut to curb a peasant uprising. How we fought to try and save the insurgents but in the end it was all for naught as the constabulary had vicious alligators and many loaded weapons with which to fight us! The alligators were almost as big as those rats I saw in the boiler room; I don’t mean to trouble you but have you phoned the exterminator yet? Discretion being the better part of valor prevents me from mentioning the name of that small third world country as they are still fighting to be free. I’m not sure if you have a working knowledge of geography past what you can see directly in front of your rather large proboscis so in the end I guess it really doesn’t matter!
Ah, Landlord! I stopped by your office the day after you returned from your trip to pay the "five-percent annoyance charge" which you levied on me for asking questions. You weren’t there but I had a nice conversation with your assistant (the hunchback who grunts a lot, not the one with bad teeth). I asked him (or is it her?) if perhaps you had brought back some sort of interesting native artifacts from your trip to Antigua. He (or her?) showed me the lovely snow globe, which you procured to use as a paperweight on your desk. It could only have been made by a very gifted West Indian artisan for the plastic base had very finely honed Art Deco style lines to it and the welcoming "Greetings From Albany" which graced the banner above Santa’s head gave me cause to stop and regard it more closely. That globe must have cost you a pretty penny and it made me feel as if I were in Antigua myself when I saw it. For this, dear Landlord, I thank you.
Ah, Landlord! I stopped by your office the day after you returned from your trip to pay the "five-percent annoyance charge" which you levied on me for asking questions. You weren’t there but I had a nice conversation with your assistant (the hunchback who grunts a lot, not the one with bad teeth). I asked him (or is it her?) if perhaps you had brought back some sort of interesting native artifacts from your trip to Antigua. He (or her?) showed me the lovely snow globe, which you procured to use as a paperweight on your desk. It could only have been made by a very gifted West Indian artisan for the plastic base had very finely honed Art Deco style lines to it and the welcoming "Greetings From Albany" which graced the banner above Santa’s head gave me cause to stop and regard it more closely. That globe must have cost you a pretty penny and it made me feel as if I were in Antigua myself when I saw it. For this, dear Landlord, I thank you.
Ah, Landlord! You are the epitome of taste and high tone class! You are the well-tailored bon vivant of the nascent 21st century! Your nasal hairs glisten in the noon day sun and when you tie them to the hairs coming out of your ears and flip them to the top of your head it makes for quite the comb-over, the kind with which no toupee could ever compete! You, dear Landlord, are a shining example of the modern day real estate mogul! Now please, PLEASE, untie me!
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