A friend of mine told me that she was going to have her hair cut at a place that featured a choice of 500 different celebrity styles, a Bose surround sound type system with soothing music and pleasant scents pumped throughout the salon, sort of an aroma therapy while you get your coiffe. The price for all this; a bargain basement $250. She said I ought to consider having my hair cut there. Yeah, OK.
My hair is worth twelve dollars, which is exactly what I pay to have it cut. Well, its actually fourteen because I give the barber a two dollar tip, which I consider quite generous since there is only one barber at the shop I go to and he owns the place.
The barber is an old Italian guy named Nick, so old in fact that I think he may be Dante's father. You want a choice of celebrity styles? Nick has plenty to offer you. Like most old Italian barbershops he features a wall of photos with names, some autographed, to show you the type of celebrity cuts he can provide:
You need entertainment from a high tech system when you get your haircut? Nick has a high tech entertainment center atop a shelf in a corner of the room. It features the latest in modern entertainment, especially on Saturday afternoons when the rabbit ears seem to pick up UHF particularly well:
There's even more entertainment when I'm there because I set Nick up with straight lines. I don't even have to say "lines" really. All I have to say are "words." Here's an example of what I'll do when I'm sitting in the barber chair (the parenthetical contains the translation of the broken English).:
ME: Baseball?
NICK: Too much-a money, all the time with-a the drugs, no good, a-no good, buncha bums. She's-a no game no more, bull-a-shit.
(Baseball players are all overpaid and take steroids. They also lack moral fiber. Therefore the game is not what it used to be and can best be described as a hypocritical lie.)
ME: Music?
NICK: What music? There's-a no music now, all bull-a-shit. No good, a-no good. Sound-a like shit. I'm-a go home tonight watch-a the Lawrence Welk on-a da UHF.
(I don't care for today's music scene. When I go home tonight I'll turn on cable television and watch re-runs of Lawrence Welk on PBS).
ME: Barking?
NICK: God Damn-a dogs, all-a day long gotta make-a God Damn noise, (to dogs) shut-up-a for Crissakes! This-a woman gotta keep-a da dogs quiet, never shut up! Gesù, Giuseppe, Maria help-a me please! (bangs on far wall of shop in hopes the dogs may all of a sudden acquire cognitive reasoning and heed his request for peace and quiet)
(I knew when I rented this place that it was next door to a dog groomer who also has a kennel for boarding, yet I still complain incessantly about the barking. At this time I should like to implore the Holy Trinity for help with this grave situation whilst I rap on the wall to try and obtain a consensus).
Aroma therapy you say? Of course Nick has aroma therapy in his shop! There's the smell of Barbasol, Pinaud, Clubman Talc and that blue liquid in the big glass cylinder used to sterilize the combs. And on Saturdays, to go along with the high tech entertainment, Nick's wife Rosa provides treats for the customers on a big plate. These of course enhance the aroma (see the piece "Scent Of The City" for more on this):
So there you go. A complete salon experience at a great price.
I myself am partial to the "Joe # 1" as my choice of cut. I feel that I am comparable to Joe DiMaggio in the same way that Anna Nicole Smith is comparable to Marilyn Monroe. I own a Yankee hat, I'm Sicilian and there were fishermen in my family.
$250 for a haircut?!! BULL-A-SHIT!!
7 comments:
Why won't my posts stick?
Anyway, that's a nice haircut you have.
Well, this one seemed to stick. Who knows with Blogger.
Thanks for the compliments on my hair cut. Or what's left of my hair for that matter.
You guys have it easy. You can get a $14 haircut and look great.
We have to pay $170 for a wash/color/highlight/style.
Even drycleaning is more expensive for us!
I say we need a woman in the White House! Maybe not Hillary, but we need a WOMAN in the White House!
Actually if need be I can cut my hair for free. And I know guys that go for that $170 cut also.
Well, even though the thought of a $250 haircut complete with surround sound is enough to make me puke, I really can't join in the chorus too much as my hair is not cheap either. I don't have very many vanity things but I do think my hair is worth the $150 I spend each 6 weeks. But don't ask my husband what he thinks. ;)
Your toaster post is brilliant! Reminds me of why I just off things when they don't work.
Thanks, Princess. The post to which you refer can be read by clicking this LINK.
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