While visiting a casting board for actors and models this morning, I came across the following ad, verbatim:
modeling print work in marcho7spring/ summer
The moment I saw this I said "Wow, the ship of some poor out of work print models has finally come in!" This casting has so much to recommend it to corn-fed kids just off the bus from Oklahoma and hell bent on stardom, not the least of which is the lack of any discernible punctuation or capitalization of proper nouns.
Allow me to break it down for you:
"modeling print work in marcho7spring/ summer"
The banner for this casting says so much yet at the same time, so little. I'm happy for all the models that the client has scheduled the work for "marcho7spring." Were it being held around the time of "Cinco De Mayo," the models would all be partying with the beautiful people and unable to accept the offer. "Marcho" is a couple of months before "Mayo," so it all works out.
"we are know in need of high fashsion females and male models for catloges posters postcards packageing paying jobs in march 07 wear for spring summer shoots in there showroom in the garmet districk"
I know what you're in need of! A member of your staff who understands spelling and grammar! I can provide this service and I'm also available to help all the high "fashsion" people stock the shelves with your "catloges," which if I'm not mistaken is an olympic event for cats. I'm a stones throw away from "that there showroom of theirs" in the "garmet districk" which I believe is east of the "ruby districk," west of the "garnet districk" and south of the "emerald districk." I work cheap and can bring along a box of commas with me if you like, along with a book on the proper use of pronouns.
female models must wear a 4 to 10 57 to 510 hight all types need as well as showroom and fit modeling paying gigs with my designers that carrys largrie/ knitwear/ outerwear/ sportsware/ tea shirts jeans
4 to 10 and 57 to 510? Aren't those the minimum and maximum times one gets in Sing Sing for perpetrating modeling scams? I'm glad you're (OOPS, I MEANT "YOUR") designers carry "largrie" (SEE FIG. 1). I was worried that they might not and so were the models. And, if you need any more "tea shirts," I'm your man. My shirts not only have tea all over their (CORRECT USAGE OF THE WORD "THEIR," YOU'LL NOTICE) fronts, but coffee, ice cream and pizza sauce. I'll bring along some "Tupperware" to compliment your collection of "sportsware." Where's "hight" by the way? Is that Washington Hights, that your (OOPS I MEANT "YOU'RE") referring to? I thought this was being held in the garmet districk?!! Now if I come down I want carfare. You people need to control "you're-selves" and stop being so fickle. Models are very stable people and don't cotton to casting people who constantly change the venue.
"age from 21 older can apply please leave a call back number and stas and one fill body shot please work is for spring summer wear 07 like jeans tea shirt sets sportswear dresses knitwear daywear/sleepwear largie packageing male models must be 25 to 30 like a cabin out door image look 57 to 510 "
I know that all models reading this will be happy that they only want folks "21 older." Does that mean an "older looking 21," meaning someone who is in their early twenties but can play forty, for example? I was very surprised to see that they want the models to leave their "stas." What they obviously meant was leave your "SATS." You'll notice that "stas" is "sats" spelled backwards, so its apparent to me that they have a dyslexic staff member, which you couldn't tell from reading the rest of this casting. Its always important for models to give their SAT scores to casting people since a lot of physics are involved in modeling. Mine were an OK 1190: 540 in verbal and 650 in math so I guess if I were better looking I'd be in as a high paid "fashsion" model. The person who wrote this casting received a total score of three if I'm not mistaken.
Good luck finding male models who are 25 to 30 and look like cabins. You mean like a log cabin? A guy who lives in a cabin? I know a guy who lived in a cabin but doesn't really look like one; he's not built like a cabin but he built a cabin. I have an "outdoor image" of him camping with his pals. I'll post it here and you can consider it his submission. Just contact me if you're interested, as I get ten percent (SEE FIG. 2, HE'S THE ONE IN THE MIDDLE).
"all modeling rates $150 to $200 per day male models must send a fill body shot and stas and a call back number for a casting call in nyc, pay is immed in your hands please reply back asap. for work. and female models can be used for showroom modeling and fit modeling work as well"
I'm glad to hear that the pay is "immed" in the models hands. That sounds kinky. Does it involve K-Y or Vaseline? If so, I'll be there! Is the body shot I posted of my friend "fill" enough for you guys? I sure hope so. I remember that when he built his cabin he had to use wood fill to cover some holes in the wall. If need be, I'll drive upstate and take a photo for you. I love you're sentence (OOPS, ONCE AGAIN I MEAN YOUR) "For work." Its such a minimalist approach to the art of sentence structure. Hey, is it true that the models get $150 just to do the gig but $200 if they bring whips and chains? Let me know and I'll let them know.
Be very afraid models! Kick off your high heels and run like the wind, back to the corn silos of Oklahoma!
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